"Why do you say it like that, with your nose all scrunched up....'You're French, aren't you?'"

So there's this movie that I love, which I probably shouldn't, but I do, so there....It's called French Kiss starring Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline.  The more I watch it the funnier it gets.  There's this one part where Kevin Kline, playing a frenchman, asks Meg Ryan, who has shown nothing but disgust for him, "Why do you say it like that, with your nose all scrunched up, 'You're French, aren't you?'"  Anyway, that's what this little news clip made me think of.  Plus, I kinda hate the French right now.....or at least the person who failed me on the French translation exam I just had to take.  I'll admit it was kind of a blow.  An expected blow, but a blow nevertheless.  Foreign languages are not my thing.  I wish to goodness they were because I would love nothing more than to be fluent in 15 different languages, but alas the fates have not smiled upon me in that department.  Or, you know.....many others to speak of, but still....Still, it was a blow because the last time I ever failed anything was in seventh grade.  I'll never forget it, I made a 23 on an Algebra test.  (Big surprise there, it was in math.)  However, there was some consolation in the fact that no one in the class passed that test, the person sitting next to me made a seventeen.  I can still remember that experience, the classroom, the way the light slanted in from the back windows and cast a glare on the green chalkboard, the smell of cheap, damp industrial carpeting and the scent of the hog farm at the back of the field adjoining the school grounds, drifting in through the open window on a hot August breeze.  And getting a 23 on a test.  I can't smell a hog farm now without the feeling of anxiety bred by failing a test ressurecting itself.  Okay, maybe not, but to get on with the story....maybe that recent experience of failing the translation exam (a 300 word essay about something to do with the French Revolution.  The only thing I really know about the French Revolution is that a bunch of genetically discontent, downtrodden and presumably inebriated peasants broke into a prison and freed everyone, including some dregs of society....just kidding, I know there's more to it than that, apparently) is one of the reasons why this article was so funny. "There's nothing more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm....."

"Sarkozy admits French language a hoax after Wikileaks exposé



After yesterday’s Wikileaks revelations, Nicolas Sarkozy has today confirmed that the “French language” is indeed a one thousand year old hoax. The president of France revealed that what purported to be his native tongue was in fact complete gibberish, admitting the French really speak English, except in the presence of the British. This comes as Wikileaks published cables sent by French diplomats to countries such as Spain, China and Russia which were all found to be written in English.

During a speech given in received pronunciation, the French President came clean, stating that it all started off as a joke during William the Conquerer’s invasion to make the aggressors seem a bit more exotic. “What was initially a prank snowballed and after a few years we realised we’d look silly revealing the truth, so we had to keep up the façade,” said the Premier. “In the company of any Brits we would try to make convincingly “French” sounds, a mixture of guttural grunts and rapid-fire syllables.


But as soon as we were on our own we’d all heave a huge sigh of relief and revert to English. We developed a heavy reliance on hand gestures to cover up when we ran out of likely noises, and the shrug was a particular boon if inspiration dried up. In the end we became quite the raconteurs, with an impressive array of supposed vocabulary. So what began as a game for the élites, became a hobby across all levels of society, and it shocked us that the Brits were so naïve as to not see through the charade.”


Sarkozy claims Wikileaks will soon expose a number of other “languages”. “I mean, seriously guys, has anyone ever actually listened to “Arabic”? Je ne sais pas…..”"

Many thanks to my friend Stephen, a linguist in training, who posted this on facebook.  You're awesome, dude.