"I have great faith in fools; self-confidence, my friends call it." Edgar Allan Poe
"The love of knowledge is a kind of madness." C.S. Lewis, "Out of the Silent Planet" (1/8/10)
"...my private opinion is that after the words 'In the sweat of thy brow shalt thou earn thy bread; another clause has dropped out from the original text, running 'In the exasperation of thy souls shalt thou attend social functions.'" C.S. Lewis, "Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis Vol. 1" (9/17/09)
"If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore; and preserve for many generations the remembrance of the city of God which had been shown." Ralph Waldo Emerson (9/16/09)
(Description of Charlotte Lucas) "Without thinking highly either of men or of matrimony, marriage had always been her object; it was the only honourable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and however uncertain of giving happiness, must be the pleasantest preservative from want." Jane Austen, "Pride and Prejudice" (8/4/09)
"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to noone, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But, in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredemable. To love is to be vulnerable." C.S. Lewis (5/13/09)
(Elizabeth to Jane) "Do not be afraid of my running into any excess, of my encroaching on your privilege of universal good will. You need not. There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." Jane Austen, "Pride and Prejudice" (3/21/09)
"If He who in Himself can lack nothing chooses to need us, it is because we need to be needed." C.S. Lewis, "The Problem of Pain" (3/15/09)
"Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute." Mark Twain (3/14/09)
"How frequently in the course of our lives, the evil which in itself we seek most to shun, and which when we are fallen into it, is the most dreadful to us, is oftentimes the very means or door of our deliverance, by which alone we can be rais'd again from the affliction we are fallen into." Daniel Defoe, "Robinson Crusoe" (2/12/09)
"I did avoid a critical personal examination...I referred to all the people of high standing I could think of in the community who would be least likely to know anything about me." Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad" (1/10/09)
"When we want to be something other than the thing God wants us to be, we must be wanting what, in fact, will not make us happy. We are bidden to 'put on Christ', to become like God. That is, whether we like it or not, God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want." C.S. Lewis, "The Problem of Pain" (12/23/08)
"Let us never forget what the poor widow did, when we think we are charitable." Charles Dickens, "The Life of Our Lord" (11/30/08)
(Writing of champion boxer, Max Baer, in comparison to James J. Braddock) "Everything was so easy for him-but great champions usually are fashioned by adversity." Jeremy Schaap, "Cinderella Man" (11/27/08)
Dorian Gray to Lord Henry, "'I don't want to see him alone. He says things that annoy me. He gives me good advice.' Lord Henry smiled. 'People are very fond of giving away what they need most themselves. It is what I call the depth of generosity.'" Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" (11/18/08)
"Humanity takes itself too seriously. It is the world's original sin. If the caveman had known how to laugh, History would have been different." Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray" (11/17/08)
"In the same way, it is natural for us to wish that God had designed for us a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but then we are wishing not for more love but for less." C.S. Lewis, "The Problem of Pain" (11/14/08)
"Christians have often disputed as to whether what leads the Christian home is good actions, or Faith in Christ. I have no right really to speak on such a difficult question, but it does seem to me like asking which blade in a pair of scissors is most necessary." C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity" (11/5/08)
"A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it." Charles Dickens, "A Tale of Two Cities" (11/1/08)
"Many of us probably would be better fishermen if we did not spend so much time watching and waiting for the world to become perfect." Norman Maclean, "A River Runs Through It" (10/27/08)
"'Business!' cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. 'Mankind was my business. The common welfare was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!'" Charles Dickens, "A Christmas Carol" (10/26/08)
"The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use for oneself." Oscar Wilde (10/25/08)
"I have been cautioned to talk but be careful not to say anything. I do not consider this a difficult task." Mark Twain, "Nineteenth Century Progress" (10/24/08)
"Only keep your ears open and your mouth shut and everything will lead you to everything else in the end." C.S. Lewis, "Surprised by Joy" (10/23/08)
"I think that all things, in their way, reflect heavenly truth, the imagination not least." C.S. Lewis, "Surprised by Joy" (10/22/08)
"Shasta's heart fainted at these words for he felt he had no strength left. And he writhed inside at what seemed the cruelty and unfairness of the demand. He had not yet learned that if you do one good deed your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one. But all he said out loud was: 'Where is the King?'" C.S. Lewis, "The Horse and His Boy" (10/21/08)
"Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself." C.S. Lewis, "The Problem of Pain" (10/20/08)
"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning..." C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity" (10/19/08)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
(Believe it or not, this is an actual website, giving advice to "career clowns" on how to deal with petrified children. My advice? don't become a clown. There's something decidedly off-putting about clowns.)
I have recently returned from my first "official" road trip. I believe I can understand now why some people are drawn to a more itinerant lifestyle. If it were for the lack of a dental or health plan, I just might join the circus....or, you know, the creepy circus people.....I still can't bring myself to watch lovable Jimmy Stewart as a creepy circus clown in "The Greatest Show on Earth," even if it is a classic. Clowns have just always freaked me out, so imagine my utter horror when I was introduced to the idea of a film entitled "It." Never seen it (no pun intended), never intend to. Anyway, speaking of creepy movies I've never had an inclination to watch (because we were, weren't we), the initial stages of the road trip boded ill. Not the drive, that was fine, fun, adventurous. It was my first view of the hotel upon the midnight arrival. Being a poor, recently graduated, part time librarian, I couldn't afford the Ritz; the budget wasn't even a 'shoestring' one....more along the lines of velcro. However, stepping off the elevator and onto the set of "The Shining," monetary concerns suddenly became irrelevant. Ever seen a still of that shot of the two creepy twins looking down the hallway....yep, I've lived that hallway, my friends. My only consoling thought was, "It'll all look better in the morning. Sunshine works miracles...." Which led to the song "The sun'll come out tomorrow! Tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar....." playing on repeat in my head for the rest of the night...Which led to long repressed traumatic memories of being forced to watch "Annie" in the second grade resurfacing. I've never recovered from that incident. Anyway, the rest of the trip proceeded wonderfully. So, here are a few pictures, hope they prove worth braving meeting Jack Nicholson.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I love fall. The change in weather from sweltering humidity to crisp autumnal breezes. The array of brilliantly colored leaves. The big yellow school-bus carrying children to the epicenter of learning, a place in which to mold their little characters into the future Madoffs of the world. After two months of being a surrogate mother/babysitter/sheep wrangler, the sight of that hideously tinted transportation unit is a beautiful sight to behold. It brings tears to my eyes, watching those children with their adorable little plastic bookbags waiting faithfully on the curb each morning, eager to broaden the scope of their minds. Of course, the teary eyes could just be a symptom of the terrible cold the little darlings bequeathed to me before abandoning me for the institutions of learning. A librarian's job lies somewhere in the realm between Spanish matador and rodeo clown. The first few weeks of summer proceed, accompanied by the increasingly resigned chant of "don'trunDon'tRunDON'TRUN!!!!!!" which eventually subsides into "Just DON'T bleed on the carpet!" By the end of the summer my immune system is either worn to a frazzle or so strong it could laugh boldly in the face of Swine Flu and a resurgence of the bubonic plague. However, children being the biohazard they are, I never seem to accomplish an escape entirely unscathed. It all began a long, long time ago, in a land far, far away, where soap was as yet undiscovered. We have children's computers with various games installed, but the children have to come to the desk and ask for headphones, as there are no speakers attached. One day last week a child bounced up to the desk. "CanIcanIcanI......" "Yes, did you need something?" "Uh....yeah....." "And that would be.....?" "Uh, microphones...." "Headphones?" "Yeah, that's what I said....." As I begin to hand them over, the child's modern dance moves suddenly become alarmingly familiar. "Do you need to go to the restroom?" An urgent nod. "Out the door, on the right." More modern dance. "I won't give the headphones away before you get back." "'kay....." "You should run on, before it's too late; certain cleaning duties are NOT in my job description." The child makes a sprint that would bring pride to the heart of Jesse Owens. Before the door swings shut, the child is back at the desk. "Are you done?!" An cheerfully emphatic nod. A sneaking suspicion crept into my mind. "Did you wash your hands?" "Uhhhhh, I don't know....." "Did you ever turn on the faucet at any point in your recent past?" A shrug and unconcerned shake of the head. "GO WASH YOUR HANDS!!! Do you know the song 'Happy Birthday'?" A beaming affirmative. "Sing it twice before you rinse those grimy little digits, 'kay?" My wishes were gloriously complied with, and I felt a false sense of security. Attila the Hun left and soon after a small group of invading mercenaries descended. The soundtrack to my life began to replay. "You got microphones?" "Nope, Britney Spears needed them for her lip-synching concert." "Can I get the microphones?" "Here's the headphones.......Wait, what have you got in your hand?" Turns out it was a piece of hard candy. The child knew I would tell him to spit it out if I saw it in his mouth, so the next logical step was to hide its existence. In his hand. In a hand that had to open two public doors to get to his post in front of my desk. A hand that had very obviously made a scenic detour through the playground. A hand that wiped a nose which was currently performing amazing feats of the Mississippi River impression-type. "When was the last time you washed your hands?" Staring ruminatively at the ceiling, contemplating profoundly. "When I went to the doctor.........." "When was that?" An unconcerned shrug. "Today........" "GO WASH YOUR HANDS!!!!! Do you know the song 'Happy Birthday'?.............." Another triumphant return and bestowal of the headphones. Time travel forward to Saturday morning-I 'awoke' after a sleepless night, feeling as if I had been breaking in a small Clydesdale horse. Every muscle, joint, and hitherto unknown portion of my miserable carcass aches. My head is pounding in a fair imitation of the soundtrack to 'Gladiator.' (Great soundtrack, by the way.) However, I still have to muster up enough life to go to work. Amazingly, I survive, find my way home, and deposit my poor bones under a sheet, a blanket and two comforters. Children should all receive a little yellow sticker upon arrival into the world. Let me wind up this little narrative by saying that Advil PM is one of the most under-appreciated miracles of the modern age.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
This is going to be a boring post for the non-readers, just to give fair warning. (Just as a side note, did anyone know that there really is such a thing as a 'bibliophile'? Really, there is. I'm not sure I would use it too often in day to day conversation as, for some reason, it sounds....I don't know......creepy? Like "pedophile" or something; something about adding the suffix '-phile' just seems to make it sound dirty.) People seem to tend to think that if you like to read, you are not very interested in other people. I would beg to strongly differ. Reading, aside from music, is the only way in which to access exactly how another human being's mind operates, how much more interested in your fellow man can you be than that? By reading you are not limited to knowing only those fellow men who are your contemporaries, but expands your opportunities to make friendships to all those who precede you. This may sound odd, but it amazing how many people you feel you know very closely, simply by reading their work, or a biography of his or her life. I just recently read a few biographies on William Wilberforce, and I have to admit that by the end of the second book, I cried when his death was related. I am currently reading the selected letters of C.S. Lewis, and I must admit, I've been reading his works since the second grade, but the more I read and learn of him personally, his personality and characteristics, the more I go, "Whoa! That sounds eerily familiar." When I die some of the first people I want to meet outside of my family are C.S. Lewis, Louisa May Alcott, Nicholas II of Russia, Jane Austen, Victor Hugo and Charles Dickens. All friends I've made simply by reading. Does that sound crazy? Probably. Do I care if it is? Not really, to be honest. Does anyone else have 'friends' they've made through books? Fiction or non-fiction, it doesn't matter-I personally became very attached to the fictional character of Paul in "A River Runs Through It." (And NO, not just because Brad Pitt played him in the film version.) I also became very attached to Sidney Carton in "A Tale of Two Cities." Valentine from "The Count of Monte Cristo" always seemed the type of person I would like to be friends with, should a contemporary version exist. I keep holding out hope that if Elizabeth Bennett can find a Mr. Darcy, so can I. I've always hoped I could be a strong as Jo March/Louisa May Alcott when the need arises. So, yes, although I suppose it is a bit 'crazy', I prefer to be crazy and have these mute friends than 'sane' without them. Anyone else agree? (The origin of this random, rather extemporaneous and discursive post is the fact that I posted a new book suggestion and a couple of new quotations, just so I don't seem completely insane.)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Okay, so I try not to get on too many soap boxes in my blog posts. Really, I do. I admit, it does occasionally occur, try as I might, but still, I do try. Sort of. As much as my lazy half-hearted personality will allow me to 'try' with anything. However, someone had this posted on face-book and I watched it. Twice. I suppose I had to watch it twice for a few different reasons....one being, I was mesmerized by the photoshop skills. How do they DO that?! Second of which being, I really needed something like this today. Now, not to get too personal, because spilling your guts is just as cute as it sounds, but, for the sake of explanation, I'll say this much: I've never considered myself attractive, glamorous, beautiful, or any other confidence-inspiring adjective. Self-confidence has remained elusive, even as I have become an adult (or at least, as close to an 'adult' as I'll ever be, I suppose....). I adore old movies, but sometimes you sit back and say, "Wow, I'll never be as sophisticated as Grace Kelly, as endearing as Audrey Hepburn, as svelte as Ava Gardner" and that feeling of dejection and despair only deepens as you're faced with the demands of impossible beauty passing you on the sidewalk every day. Here's the thing: I despise sweating in a room with people I don't know. It's a little too "chummy" for me, hence, I am not a patron of the gym. I'm Irish. I could hold my breath but I'll only turn blue, never tan. I'm 5'3", not even a potential contestant for "America's Next Top Model." I was raised in the South. We eat. We eat well. This combination of undeniable facts do not lend themselves to a particularly good self-image. However, at work the other day, someone donated a stack of In Style magazines. I took one home over the evening (there was an article on Clive Owen.....and, well.....there was an article on Clive Owen......) and flipped through. There was a short article on one young female celebrity (don't ask who, I've not the slightest idea who she is....) and the steps she endures each month to 'look her best.' Fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake nails, fake hair (extensions), etc. At the end of the article there was a list of prices. Overall, this little sweetheart spends over 2, ooo dollars a month. 2,000!!!!!!! Despite the obvious economic issues inherent, my question was this: how many people, who live a much less privileged life than she, could 2,ooo dollars ease the suffering and anxiety caused by day to day expenses? It's amazing to me that humanity will pay more for vanity than for kindness. Anyway, I apologize, this post has become a bit biting, I suppose, but I guess my point is this. We are taught to expect a certain physical image, the corporeal becomes more important than the metaphysical. Characters fall into disrepair and disuse while cuticles receive undivided attention. I did some thinking and had an epiphany: I'll never be beautiful, but I can be helpful. I'll never be glamorous, but I can be kind. I'll never be attractive, but I can comfort others. I'll never be 'perfect,' but I can be forgiving. So, I suppose it as George Washington once said, "Live so that when you are alone, you will be in good company."
(11:40 a.m.-Just read over it for the first time and realized-my spelling capabilities decrease exponentially every hour after 5:00 p.m. Hopefully all errors have been corrected. It's rather difficult to make a point when your spelling is atrocious......)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
We had a wonderful thunderstorm this afternoon (I just love thunderstorms for some reason; sometimes all that sunshine can become so banal and predictable, you know? Thunderstorms are always original, unpredictable....I think I've been watching too much "When Weather Changed History".......Anyway.......) It seems that after a late afternoon thundershower there is always the most beautiful evening light. I took advantage of it this afternoon and went to the city cemetery. Now, I know that sounds morbid/disturbed/frightening/gothic/Stephen King/"You-really-need-to-find-a-therapist" but trust me, it's not quiteas crazy as it sounds. It's remarkable to me how cemeteries really are peaceful places. Anyway, here are a few shots, let me know what you think, or if the consensus view is just that I need to find a social life and drop the field-trips to the cemetery........
The sun was beginning to go down, so there was this lovely ethereal glow to everything.
I developed kind of an 'art crush' on this particular statue; he had a very neo-classical look about him.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
(Me a couple (or four) decades in the future.....Notice that one kid in the front, the only one not paying attention? That was me a couple of decades in the past....only the girl-type version....)
You know how everyone has a particular phrase or collection of phrases which, when uttered, forces you to suppress the urge to cause 'death by asphyxiation' to appear on the speaker's death certificate? Okay, maybe it's just me....Anyway, I have a few such as, "Well, actually......." You just know something smart-aleck is formulating in their little pea-brain. My favorites, however, have recently become: "It must be so nice to work in a library and read all of these books!" "I should work here, I love to read!" "I just love all kids." "I have never met a child I don't like." Or, after a battle with the modern juvenile equivalent of Attila the Hun and his army of barbarians, "It's so nice and quiet in here!" I once resorted to looking in the personnel information notebook in a fruitless, futile, and quite frankly irritating search for some inconsequential particle of recycled wood product and came across a reserve stack of voluntary commitment papers for the nut-house, I mean, "spa." (Not really, but I wouldn't be surprised if I had....) Why? You might well ask. Well, let me 'splain......
Here, in abridged form, is one day in the public library:
We share the building with the city parks and recreation. Which means, incidentally, that we assist them in running their summer camps. They descend every day at 1:30 like a plague of locusts; even retired kindergarten teachers blanch with fear. Good thing no way has been found to inject chocolate directly into the blood stream or librarians would soon be attending group rehabilitation in droves. 12:59 Thursday afternoon found me steeling myself for the onslaught when the phone rang. I resisted the temptation to answer it with my most professional recording voice "We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected. Please hang up and redial." Instead I recited, "East Branch Library, how may I help you?" (person on the other end) "HELLO??????" (Me) "Hello? This is East Branch Library....." "Is this the East Branch?" "Nope, we just say that to throw people off. Oddly enough, you're the first person to catch it today. You've won 15, 000 dollars, congratulations!" The conversation proceeded, I renewed some books, looked others up, etc. "Now, is this the East Branch?" "Yes ma'am." "Alright, I wanted to come pick up some books, have you got any?" "No ma'am, we're fresh out; the delivery truck comes on Tuesdays." The locusts arrived. We resigned ourselves to metaphorical slaughter. (Remarkably enough, though we don't appear so, librarians are an amazingly hearty bunch. We've become like the speech in Shakespeare's Henry V "He that shall see this day and live t'old age/Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbors,/And say, "Tomorrow is Saint Crispian."/Then he will strip his sleeve and show his scars"/We few, we happy few, we band of brothers./For he today that sheds his blood with me/Shall be my brother.") Anyway, we began to salvage our sanity and salve our wounds. A small group of stray children wandered in; one who appeared to be around 4 or 5 inquired, "Is this a day-care?" "Yes. Yes, it is...." In all too short a period for adequate respite, the fire alarm sounded. The first fire drill we've ever had, and it has to be now. In sweltering weather in which a fish could sweat, cold blood and all. I asked the director of the practice fire drill, "What if the patrons won't get up?" With no apparent compunction she answered bluntly, "Leave 'em." Good enough. After an apparently appropriate amount of time we wandered back into the building. As we returned to our guard post at the front desk, an individual meandered rather aimlessly up to the counter. "May I help you?" "I want a library card." "Yep, I want a 1957 cherry red Chevy Bel-Aire. So?" No, what I really said was, (Smiling as pleasantly as I could manage) "Do you have any current i.d.?" "Do you know.....?" And she named some random individual. "Incidentally, no, I don't. What does that have to do with the price of eggs in China?" "She lives right behind here." "Well, that's a wonderful thing for her. You know what they say 'Location, location, location.'" "She's my grandma." "Good to know." "She has a library card." Then it hit me. This was the 'current i.d.' apparently. Well, sweetheart, I know people in California, but I don't think they'll give me a home loan because of it. The matter was adeptly handled by someone else and I dragged my nearly deceased old bones out to lunch. Yes, lunch. At 3:30 in the afternoon. But, miracle of miracles, I scraped through, at least long enough to torture everyone with this post.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A couple of years ago (in actuality, it could have been, I don't know.....four? My concept of time is a bit hazy; it all runs together after a while.....) I was privileged enough to go to the World War II Memorial in D. C. with my grandad and a busload of other veterans. I have to say, if you ever have to endure a bus-trip, take a group of 85+ year old men with you. Needless to say, I was highly entertained, listening to them reminisce. Anyway, as I'm still working on my 'official' July 4th post, I thought I'd put up some pictures from that trip during the interim.So, here goes.
Lunchtime. It was about 4,000 flipping degrees outside (in MAY, I might add), but this was the only time I ever saw them sit down except for when we were on the bus. They were all as spry as 15 year old kids and I was falling asleep on the bus between stops...... I have to say, this is one of my personal favorites. This is one of the reliefs featured on the memorial. It isn't the best picture in the world, but I like the image so much I had to include it. This is another, smaller wall included within the memorial. The entire quote on the base is something along the lines of "The price we pay for freedom," or something rather like it. Each one of those stars represents 100 casualties, there are over 5,000 stars.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Here's the thing: I love my job. Really. I do. I love the people I work with, even if I don't always necessarily like the people I work for. Those people being, of course, the 'public.' Generally, I like most of them. I mean, really, how many places do people bring you homemade lemon bars, fudge pie, and brownies for the holidays? Then there are days like today.....I could have reeeeaaaaallllly used a fudge pie today. The whole thing. By myself. See, here's the other thing. I like kids. Really. I do. The day began innocently enough......We had story hour, of which, if you've ever watched National Geographic and witnessed the panicked stampede of the wildebeests in the face of predators, you've got a fairly accurate image. An hour later, I looked up to notice one lone survivor standing in the midst of the no man's land between the desk and the decimated shelves. Staring right at me. "Did you need something?" Nothing....No response. "Were you looking for something?" Still nothing. Then....."Do you know where my mom is?" Oh. Crap. "No. You wouldn't happen to, either, would you?" Shrug. Am I the only one who seems concerned about this? Apparently so, because, according to this kid, if you've reached the 60" height requirement, you've got all the answers. "I'm looking for my mom." "Yeah, I know. Me too, kid." "You can't find your mom either?" "No....what I meant was...never mind. Just.....hang on....." Thankfully "mom" was just looking for books. Still, that brief instant of mistakenly being considered capable rattled my nerves a bit.
Then, on the way back to the desk after leaving a serene junior with an equally irritatingly serene mother hen, I was snapped at. Not figuratively. Literally. *Snap* *Snap* "I need an over-ride!" We have system wide filters on many sites, including "My Space," which, I have to say, is the bane of a librarian's existence. So, we have to manually over-ride the filter for anyone over 17. Sound time-consuming? It is. Trust me. So, I drag over. "How old are you?" "13" "Sorry..." "It's not for My Space." "Then I couldn't over-ride it anyway. I'm only allowed to over-ride for My Space." It is said that nature abhors a vacuum. It also apparently abhors repetition. Plagues and pestilence have already been used on ancient Egypt. Something original was needed. Which is why 13-year-olds were invented. Said 13-year-old accomplished a freakishly good impersonation of a bee stung Angelina Jolie, she stuck her lips out so far. "If you can't over-ride anything, there's not a whole lot I can do on the computer, then." What?! It's the world-freakin'-wide-web! Find something (wholesomely) educational! You're in a library! Find a book! I wanted to say something really sarcastic, but, instead, I smiled as nicely as I could manage. "National Geographic isn't blocked."
Monday, June 22, 2009
For the past....oh....couple of years (it feels like, anyway), I've been spending quite a bit of time concerning myself very closely with wedding/engagement photos. Now, I'm not sure if anyone really quite fathoms the cruel irony of this situation. Have you ever noticed how, in a moderately sized group of people, cats always seem to find the one individual who is allergic and/or hates them, and attach themselves very closely to that individual for the remainder of the visit? Well, I've heard it said that it is because cats know which humans dislike them because that human avoids eye contact. Well, it is about the same, apparently, for weddings and me. It is as if there is some maleficent force in the universe which finds fodder for its sick sense of humor in throwing me into the metaphorical snake pit which is the exchanging of nuptials. Let me be quite honest: I "strongly-dislike" weddings. I generally only go to receptions for the food. The pervasiveness of high-running, blatantly expressed emotion makes me squirm like a six-year old waiting for the nurse to get back with the needle for the Hepatitis B shot. (Isn't that the one that would sting so badly? Anyway...) I'm a bit like that character in that movie with Sarah Jessica Parker, when she says, "I know I'm a girl and all, so I should be better at this emotional stuff, but......" Don't get me wrong, I love girly books like Jane Austen, the Brontes, etc. just as well as the next person. I love movies like "Casablanca" and "Roman Holiday." Seriously. But.....in real life.....? Nah, I'm okay, thanks. Personally, I've never really felt a need to 'get in touch with my inner-most feelings.' They're fine just where they are, being rudely ignored by my immediate consciousness, thank you very much.
Anyway, I believe I've veered a bit from my original intention.....which was.... let me think.....oh, yes, weddings. One reason I think I may dread them is for a reason hordes of others dread them. Someone else getting married brings into irritatingly close focus the fact that you are not. There are three questions I never fail to receive innumerable times in the course of two hours: "So, when are you getting married?" "Why aren't you married yet?" "Why aren't you married yet?" I think the first sense to deteriorate as you get older is your sense of humor. Apparently some individuals in my family think I'm joining a convent. Hmmmmm, yes, as the saying goes, "There's nothing more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm." (Not that there's anything wrong with joining a convent, mind you.) Yet, I've not seen fit to correct this mistake. If all are satisfied, and I get some peace, the means are completely irrelevant. Alas, the arrival of warmer weather seems to be the signal for all of the underground movements of wedding planners and cake decorators to show themselves in full. I think had they been around a couple of hundred years earlier, living as university students in Paris, they would have orchestrated their own "barricade revolt."
Has anyone ever noticed how the lining up of single women to catch the bouquet occasionally appears disturbingly similar to those screaming maniacs on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange? I began wondering, how did the tossing of the bouquet originate? Personally, it makes me want to toss something, but quite emphatically not anything as sweet smelling as roses, peonies, or sweet pea. As far as the 'catching' goes, I think I'd rather catch the swine flu. So, I found it quite amusing, when looking online for the origin of 'throwing bouquet,' the suggested search topics came up.....including 'throwing knives.' The sad thing is, I could see a connection, and not just through the word 'throwing.' However, I felt much better, when scanning through the results for 'throwing the bouquet' on youtube, looking for some wild, 'no-holds-barred' bouquet catch, I came across one which gave me hope. These are my kind of people.
Maybe I will join that convent, after all.......Nah, then again, maybe not.......You can't wear red heels and a nun's habit. (As far as I know.)
Saturday, June 6, 2009
I'm not sure how this post is going to proceed, but I felt an obligation to post something today. As I'm sure everyone is well aware, today is the 65th anniversary of D-Day. Discussing the veterans of World War II is something very close to my heart, something that I always tend to get a little emotional over. My grandfather was a paratrooper in the 8nd Airborne, I have made some very dear friends among the older men who come into the library who served during the War, and I have had the opportunity to converse with others who served during those brutal four years which shaped the world I came into. I make it a point never to discuss politics on my blog; to begin with, I don't follow them closely enough to assume enough knowledge to converse intelligently about politics, so I feel my best policy is to simply keep my mouth shut. Better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. However, this post is not political, it is not even historical in content. (Shocking? Well, maybe I will slip up and include some history, I can't help it.) This, my friends, is purely emotional. Despite your political views on anything, I feel that respect is owed to those who were willing to set aside any dreams they harbored, their youth, their security, their lives, the hopes of their loved ones and imperil themselves for the amelioration of a world burning down because of the greed of a few. I tend to fall into a romanticized view of this time period. Young men in uniform, wonderful clothing styles, white picket fences, Bennie Goodman, Glenn Miller, etc. However, I have to catch myself and realize there was nothing romantic about it. I read a statistic the other day which was a reality check. The average age of a G.I was about 21-22. I turned 24 in April. These were children, really, who became the immolation for the preservation of humanity and what it means to be human. Whatever political reasons there were, my feelings remain that, although we were pulled into the War because of the events on December 7, 1941 (although I don't think we feasibly could have avoided involvement), the deepest reason for the need to sacrifice 'the American Dream' of an entire generation was the demand for a generation of champions of humanity. While so many were devolving into an animalistic state of hate and annihilation, there had to be those who were willing to halt the deterioration of the fabric of humanity into feral, bestial chaos. If I am dragging things a bit heavily, and seem to be a bit too serious about all of this, I am truly sorry, but, as I said, this is a discussion which lies very close to my heart. That generation and what they accomplished is one reason I gave 4 years of my life to study history. It is imperative that their accomplishments are remembered; not the accomplishments of the generals and politicians, but the accomplishments of the average father, son, brother, cousin, friend. Because I also love photography, especially black and white, and most especially black and white from the forties, I've included a few of the photographs included in the National Archives and Records Administration. I hope they aren't too much. I'm continually astounded to see how young they really were. A copy of a German photograph. The Warsaw Ghetto being destroyed. Stop and consider where these people were being moved. I love this photograph. I think it's beautiful. I know that sounds crazy, but not 'beautiful' in a 'pretty' way, but it leaves an impression. The contrast of the surroundings and the circumstances is impossible not to be affected by, I think. This is also an affecting photograph, to me. Those who were intent on preserving life in situations in which death was the goal is a very sobering thought to me.
This is actually from Korea, but I had to include it. This, I think, shows the price paid. It rips my heart out every time, but it is one of my favorites. It tramples on my heart and leaves my nerves raw and throbbing, but it is one of the most profound images I have come across.
So, I know this is a bit heavy, but there it is. It makes me think of a few lines from a letter a soldier during the Civil War who wrote home to his wife, "I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing-perfectly willing- to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government and to pay that debt...." I, for one, am indescribably grateful to men like my grandfather.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I know these are just boring pictures of wheat/birch trees, but I had to post them.....mainly for the benefit of my sister, who has my undying respect, and, of the two of us, received the domestic goddess genes...... I am becoming increasingly concerned that my little paper identity bracelet fell off at the hospital, resulting in an embarrassing and unfortunate mix-up which the staff agreed to keep silent about, deciding that, at least my mother and father looked like nice people-I should have a good home, even if I wasn't necessarily their biological offspring. Her children grow healthy and robust on homemade wheat bread and other impressive feats of the culinary while my hypothetical children will be snorting powdered cheese from the Kraft box like Al Pacino in "Scarface." (Just so everyone knows-no, I have not seen that movie, but you don't necessarily have to have seen the movie to make allusions to it, right? Hopefully? Well, I do, even if it is against the movie buff rules.....) Anyway, here's the bounty of eastern N.C. The light this evening was just wonderful, you have to love that rich, full, late summer light....
I know, I know, it's washed out and has 'sun-spots,' but look for the 'effect.' Okay, okay, so maybe that is stretching it a bit, but hey, I laid down in an insect-infested wheat field to get this one.......Actually it was a bit fun, I was clomping around in knee-high wellingtons with a camera.....It felt all "National Geographic".....without the volcanoes......or the sparsely dressed natives......or, you know, the threat of foreign pestilence or anything. The sun was setting, so the colors were becoming very nice. Again, 'effect' not 'result'........ This is not wheat, obviously....a birch tree a bit further down. So, there's my Tuesday afternoon's adventure. I was singing "Fields of Gold" in my head the rest of the evening, but that's alright, that will always be a great song (#61 on the playlist).
Well, after a very conspicuous absence of book suggestions, I have, after four months of silence, returned, hopefully in triumph and glory. What, no triumph or glory? Ah, well, I'd just settle for someone reading these, as I have a sneaking suspicion no one really (cares) does. I must confess that these are really for my own selfish purposes. I get to write about some of my favorite books; a favorite activity combined with a favorite subject. Next I'll be putting in a chat room capability so I can lure unwitting blog readers into conversation about their interpretations of the classics. The suggestion this entry is Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights." *Surgeon General's Warning*-This novel is the record of one massive out-patient clinic. As someone once stated, "They should all be put in a rec-room with white walls and ping-pong tables." (Did anyone besides myself ever have coordination difficulties with the plastic athletic missile the size of a cotton puff? It's a bit discouraging to think that Forrest Gump could have beat you at something. Anyway.....) Like I said, head patients. All of them. Here's another thing: I only liked one character in the book; a character who doesn't even play a very prominent role until the last couple of chapters or so. Cathy always struck me as a very self-absorbed, self-serving, manipulative little tramp. Heathcliff always had a bit of that James-Dean-Brad-Pitt-in-Thelma-and-Louise bad boy appeal, but certainly not the type you'd want to put his feet under your mother's Christmas dinner table. Hindley was an immature alcoholic and the narrator a meddling busybody. (Now that I've gotten that out of my system I can give you a plot outline.) The story opens with the arrival of a new tenant for Thruscross Grange, the neighboring house owned by the master of Wuthering Heights. He attempts to ingratiate himself with the landlord, an attempt which falls embarrassingly flat, as the landlord is notriously and intimidatingly misanthropic. The housekeeper of the Heights eventually pays a visit to the Grange and she and the new tenant fall into conversation which eventually drifts into a recital of the history of Wuthering Heights. I won't give any details as it would ruin the story for those who aren't familiar with the events of the novel. To wit: Heathcliff is brought as a child to Wuthering Heights, devoid of any relatable history, by the father of Catherine (Cathy) and Hindley. Hindley despises Heathcliff at first sight, but Heathcliff and Cathy soon become inseperable. The story progresses, the children grow into young men and women and old hatreds are not forgotten. These hatreds prey on the happiness that might have been, had the characters been willing to part with their pride. I suppose that is what makes this book so interesting, the inability to let go of the past for one's own sake. The characters would rather have been miserable and alone than to part with their precious hatred. The very thing which destroyed them all was the one thing they could not abandon, even to save their own lives. An interesting concept. Even more interesting than the story is the life of Emily Bronte. The daughter of the rector of Haworth village on the Yorkshire moors. Two of her sisters died while at a boarding school (interesting to note if you have read Charlotte Bronte's "Jane Eyre."), and her only brother, Branwell died of alcoholism and an opium addiction. Emily herself died after catching cold at his funeral. She apparently lived very much in her own mind. Manuscripts were discovered, covered in a coded language, written in minute handwriting, nearly impossible to decipher, could anyone have understood the language. Reading Wuthering Heights is almost like what a reverse therapy session would seem. Suddenly your own family begins to appear remarkably, blessedly normal; banal, even. So, you say, "If they're all head-cases, why on earth would I want to read this book?" Well, sane "normal" people aren't nearly as interesting, are they?
BOTE-5/13/09 Silas Marner-George Eliot
*Ahem* Okay, I have no excuse for the lengthy delay....except end of term chaos....and graduation...and my family coming for graduation....and the chaos of my family being here for graduation....good chaos, but chaos nonetheless. Anyway, excuses aside, here's the book suggestion. Hope it was worth waiting for: "Silas Marner" by George Eliot. Incidentally, 'George Eliot' was the pseudonym for Mary Anne Evans, a very interesting individual. For a fairly "middle of the road" "don't rock the boat socially speaking" kind of person, it seems that I use that phrase quite a bit when describing the authors of some of my favorite books. I can't say as I particularly agree with her choice of morals in her living (she completely rejected all religion and lived with a married man until said man's death. (Which, had I been the wife of said man, would have been sooner rather than later....Anyway....)) Yet, it is a paradox of sorts to say that a person who seemingly disregarded any moral strictures or demands of the conscience produced such a deep study of the choices we make, the consequences which proceed from those choices, why we make the choices we do, and what we possibly forfeit in the hasty decision to trade the future for the satisfaction of the present. Silas Marner begins with the description of......wait for it.....Silas Marner. Surprised? Silas is a weaver, a trade of misanthropes, of a breed both needed and feared by the villagers. Among the villagers whom he serves, Silas is seen as an uncomfortable and foreign member of the society. No one knows from whence he came, at a time when xenophobia was the order of the day, causing many to look upon him suspiciously and eschew his society. However, this is precisely what Silas desires. Without revealing too much of the plot, suffice it to say, Silas has a history which justifies his distrust of mankind. He has been treated unjustly and dealt the consequences for another's lack of good judgement. Betrayed, he has fled to the countryside, seeking invisibility. Silas wishes to avoid human attachment, it has already caused him undeserved pain. Why, therefore, should he seek it elsewhere? It has been proven that those whom we allow to become close to us are the very avenues by which pain travels. Yet, Silas is thrown into the path of a child, a child whom he raises, raises and learns to love, and, more importantly, learns to let himself be loved. I really can say no more than this, as too much of the simply intricate plot would be revealed and therefore ruined. However, it is interesting that every character in the novel is unknowingly linked by unseen but close ties to the other characters. Each characters' decision directly, even if not immediately, affect the others' lives. It is a novel about trading the possibilities of the future for the temporary satisfaction of the things we think we want now. It is about finding joy in what we are given, what we retain, not dwelling on that which we have lost. It is a novel which considers the effects unseen which we believe will never come to pass nor be of any concern, as they are not visible to anyone but ourselves. Are these consequences, then, of no matter, if, indeed, no one but ourselves can witness the decisions which lead to them? Or, is every decision, public or private, to be made in the thought of others, how it affects them or how it would affect us, even in the unlikely chance others should discover our most secret actions? Like I said, a very interesting novel for one who claimed a disbelief in organized morals.
BOTE-3/14/09 The Picture of Dorian Gray-Oscar Wilde
In keeping with the festivities of the month, I decided to pick an Irish author (and just to throw everyone off, I picked someone other than C.S. Lewis.....) Oscar Wilde......hmmmmm......very interesting character. He led quite an....shall we say, 'eventful' life. But, whatever his moral shortcomings, his writing is wonderful; his sense of humor was entirely undeniable. Speaking of George Bernard Shaw, Wilde said, "Well, he hasn't become important enough to have any enemies. But none of his friends like him." I'm sorry, but whether or not you want to, you have to admit that's funny. Anyway, about the book: Dorian Gray is the only novel Wilde ever wrote. It has been turned into a very cliche "thriller" through film, but I believe that was not his intention whatsoever. Granted, it is the type of book that at times gives you the absolute creeps. The interesting thing is, this doesn't come from anything that, on film, would translate into a dark, shadowy sequence, necessarily. Rather, it is watching the gradual transition, voluntary transition, of Dorian Gray from an unaffected, innocent youth, to a corrupt force devoid of human emotion or affection. Above all, I think, Dorian Gray is a psychological book. It is a book about the choices we make, and what we become because of them. I'll attempt to clarify without giving away too much of the plot. When the story commences, Dorian is a very sheltered young man of great means and potential. He is admired for his 'youthful bloom,' both physically and mentally speaking; he has yet to become tainted by the stains of bad decisions. Someone, who plays an intermittent, indirect main part of the developement of the story, suggests it is time he tried a more Bacchanalian lifestyle-try the forbidden fruits of various material pleasures. Another indirectly main character fills the role of attempted moral preservationist and warns Dorian against such unwise behaviour; but unfortunately, as in so many cases, this advice goes unheeded. However, this 'conscience' is also a painter by trade, and, while Dorian is yet in his innocence, the artist paints his portrait, beseeching him to stay always as he is in the portrait. Dorian takes this portrait, and, upon the completion of his first act of defiance and rebellion, notices a small change in the portrait's appearance. Not a change of coloring, posture, or any other obvious detail, but rather a slight change of expression, especially in the eyes, into a more sinister, cruel expression. This continues, year after year, as Dorian slides further and further into a self-constructed cage of jaded unhappiness, unable to be satisfied by the empty nothings which used to thrill him. He continues in this state, constantly looking for something to fill the void he created within himself. All the while, Dorian is miraculously maintaining the same freshness of youth which he had at twenty well into his thirties, to the amazement, horror, and suspicion of many. The portrait, meanwhile is showing in its face what cannot be found in Dorian's. It is, in essence, acting as Dorian's conscience. Dorian is behaving in such a manner because he can, to the outer eyes of the world, 'get away with it.' As his actions leave no palpable mark on his visage, he feels as though he can do whatever he pleases, the consequences not being for him to bear. He can act without a conscience, with nothing to horde up guilt in his mind with which to torture him in any quiet moments of accidental contemplation of character or actions. Or so he thinks. Dorian keeps the portrait, at first, in a room, visible to all, then in another room behind a curtain, and eventually in a locked room, which none but him can enter. Dorian begins to become obsessive, sitting in the locked room for hours, staring intently at the portrait, reviewing each line and wrinkle, each cruel curve of the mouth as he becomes more and more hideous to himself. So, I suppose, the book is more about a few things such as: Can one ever really escape one's self and one's conscience, and if so, how heavy a price is exacted? What would we allow ourselves to become if we felt we could do what we wished, not fearing the consequences?
BOTE-2/1/09 The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society-Mary Ann Shaffer
Before everyone looks at this title and decides I have finally lost the last, infintesimal, minute bit of mind I have left, let me 'splain. Well, actually, I can't go into too much detail, even to explain the origins of the title of this particular book, as I fear it would reveal too much of the plot and ruin some of the delicious surprises this novel offers with each new page. It is, quite honestly (and I don't offer this high praise to just every piece of paper and ink I have close encounters with) one of the best books I have ever read. Now, considering the fact that I avoid any book, the author of which has not been dead for at least, oh, let's say, four decades, (C.S. Lewis died on November 22, 1963; incidentally, the same day John F. Kennedy was assassinated) the fact that this is a book published just within the last year also speaks to its magnificence. A series of letters, (and trust me, for all of you who read 'letters' and say, "No way is that ever going to happen," just hear (read ) me out) the book follows the journey of a female journalist, living in London immediately after the end of World War II. I have to admit, that had me at the start: England? History? World War II History? Heck yes! Anyway, the main character is a journalist, and begins, through a series of events, to correspond with an inhabitant of a small village on the island of Guernsey. The Guernsey Isles sit in the English Channel; technically a part of Great Britain, they are nevertheless a self-governing set of islands. Victor Hugo, author of Les Miserables and The Hunchback of Notre Dame spent time in exile in the Guernsey isles, where he did much of his writing, as it is also very close to the French coast. Which is why, as Germany began its conquest of Europe, it chose these particular islands as an ideal stepping stone from defeated France to the stronghold of England. (Yes, I said 'defeated'.....I don't care too much for the French when it comes to discussing history.....Anyway, my feelings on that subject do not have any part in this summary, so I'll save that tangent for later....) However, as it soon became apparent that England was not going to fold like a piece of wet cardboard (like some other countries....), the German soldiers who had accomplished the occupation of the Guernsey isles were left to starve alongside the islanders. All of this plays a vital part in the story, but it only unfolds one letter at a time, as do the interesting and varied personalities of those penning the letters. Humorous and serious by turns, the novel carries with it a sense of life learned through heartache. Reading the vivid descriptions within the letters, you almost begin to feel the salty sea air, hear the gulls, smell the brine, and taste the spray. What is so unique about this novel is the approach it takes to all the characters described, including the memories of German soldiers who lived among the Guernsey islanders during the occuptation. They describe how many of the soldiers aided the very people they had come to subdue. Many of them showed kindness, mercy, compassion, and a human bond which not even the most depraved tyranny can sever, if the individual refuses to relinquish it. This is quite a refreshing aspect of the novel. So often, in cases where history has given us a certain remove from events, it is easy to divide people into simply 'heroes' and 'villains.' Such is not the case with this book. People are people. Some use the opportunities they are given to prove that human nature does not have to be base, immoral and wretched, even if the conditions in which it finds itself are thus; if we so choose, we can use wretched conditions to show the greatest humanity, in its highest form. It shines all the more, in direct contrast to the deplorable surroundings. Much of this is what lies at the root of this novel. However, it is such a highly entertaining, informative, even educational book, it is a sheer joy to learn as you read. The main character, the journalist, begins corresponding with a member of the Guernsey community, and eventually decides to write a piece on the occupation. She therefore begins to correspond with other members of the same small community, to gather different perspectives and anecdotes to compile within her articles. These turn into deep friendships, as each learns more about each other and about themselves, and begins the healing process. Although no one who has ever lived through such a horrendous experience as a world war will ever 'recover' or forget their experiences, they must find a way to return to the 'normal,' 'everyday,' blessedly trite affairs of living. With no intention of downplaying the role of America in the second World War, it must be admitted that we knew very little, if anything, of the deprivations, cruelties, horrors, and losses of those whose fields and pastures became the blood-soaked grounds upon which the immolation of young lives were offered in return for the defeat of hatred and the sanctity of human life restored. By reading this novel, you begin to get a sense of this, an appreciation for that which the non-soldier was forced to endure. Yet, as I said, it is not all serious history. There are quite a few passages which I found so amusing I had to stop reading, as my concentration was interrupted by fits of laughter. "Witty" is certainly an appropriate description of this book. Many of the older women who frequent the library have also read this novel, and I have yet to hear one declare anything but praise for it. In fact, one older gentleman recently described it as "the best book he's ever read." Says quite a bit coming from one of the male-type, doesn't it? Anyway, the other librarians and I have decided that we all want to visit the Guernsey Isles for a month or so; so, if you venture to the library one day in the near future, and see a sign posted on the door, "Gone to Guernsey-back in a month" you'll know why.
BOTE-1/10/09 The Mascot-Mark Kurzem
Okay, okay, I realize that I must assume full responsibility and admit my laziness in not posting a new book recommendation. But I do have a good excuse....a really good one....a really convincing, legitimate excuse.....which is that.....let me 'splain.....Okay, alright, I don't have one. (At least, not one that could hold water.) But, while on my road toward sincere penitence, I deliberated long and hard as to what should be my first recommendation for this new year. I considered "Great Expectations" (which I love) but I was afraid I might begin to receive anonymous death threats from those who took my advice and only finished with the conclusion my mother came to that, "They're all just crazy! Crazy!" So, next I weighed the assets of "Wuthering Heights" (another favorite) only to realize that my mother, after reading it replied to my questioning, "They're all crazier than that last lot!" Which, as these make up a portion of the inner circle of my favorites, made me begin to be concerned about my own state of sanity......which thought was followed directly by the thought, "Survival of the fittest...Most of the time you have to be crazy to deal sanely with at least half of the things that happen in life. The crazier you are, the less you have to worry about." Finally, I decided on "The Mascot," a book I just recently finished, which I found thoroughly interesting. "The Mascot," by Mark Kurzem, is about his father, whom he always believed to be Latvian. However, he discovers, after a rather abrupt and unforeseen confidence shared with him by his father, that there was very little, if indeed, any, truth to the story of his father's childhood which had always been related to Mark as a boy. The father began to wish, before he died, to both tell, and learn, of his own history, as he could remember very little of his life before the age of five or six. He could not remember either his mother's or father's name, the faces of his younger siblings, the name of the village he grew up in, anything of his life previous to a remarkable, nearly fantastical, event which threw his life onto an entirely different road; he became the anthropomorphism of a paradox-a Jewish child from Belarus who was inducted into the SS and used as a mascot for the very epitome of the genocidal machine Hitler created. At times, it seems nearly impossible that such an event could happen, but then, you remind yourself, the mid-twentieth century was, itself, an event which, during peace times, one finds hard to believe it could have occurred. The father, Alex, was born in a small village in Belarus, a tiny country which strongly resisted Hitler's attempts. It must be explained that, at the beginning of Hitler's "plan" for the Jewish portion of the population, the "Final Solution" had not yet been conceived of; the intial plan was to gather the Jews and send them to the farthest reaches of the world. Which meant that, in order for the Jews who were being forced from their homes in Germany and the newly occupied territories to have somewhere to be sent to, room must be made in those farther corners of German occupation. Which meant, in short, that the Jews who already occupied those farther corners, must be permanently removed to make way for the "transplants." Thus began an extermination (albeit less systematic than it would become) of Jews in small villages. In his home village in Belarus, Alex, his mother and two younger siblings, were forced to join other Jews in a long queue, to await their execution by a firing squad. Waiting at the rear of the line, they witnessed the murder of their family and friends; suddenly a deluge descended, and the executions were called off. The Jews were ordered to return to their homes, to suffer a night of knowing what their fate would be as soon as the sun arose the next morning. Alex's mother took her children back to their home, trying to explain to Alex what was happening. That night, the terrified child crawled from his bed and out a window, running into the forest, away from the death awaiting him. He did not get very far, being so small, only as far as a hill above the town, where he witnessed the remaining executions, including that of his mother and siblings. Alex then escaped further into the forest, not knowing where he was going, only knowing it must not be back to the village. After many days, and through a series of events, the child was thrown into a line of men, Jews, he later realized as an adult, who were standing against a wall, to be "disposed of" by a firing squad similar to that which had murdered his family; a squad which was a contingent of a Latvian police brigade which was later inducted into the SS as the Eighteenth battalion. For reasons he never understood, Alex was pulled from the line by one of the soldiers. The young boy quickly ingratiated himself with the soldiers through his resourcefulness and ability to learn quickly. As the soldiers had been indiscriminate in their brutality, many non-Jewish members of these villages were killed alongside their Jewish neighbors, which meant that no one knew for certain whether Alex was Jewish or not, except the soldier who pulled him from the line. This soldier, whose motives Alex could never sort out, even when he became an adult, warned Alex that he must not, under any circumstances, let anyone know he was Jewish. The only difficulty lying in the fact that Alex, being such a young child, did not realize he was Jewish, or why this would be detrimental, as he had not reached an age at which he believed he could discern any differences among people. However, he took the soldier's warning seriously and never let anyone bathe him, which would have given away his secret, as he was circumcised. The result of this being that, as some explanation must be given for his origins, Alex was taught that he was Latvian and given a new birth date, and turned into a miniature model of a Nazified Latvian soldier, complete with fitted out uniforms and military titles. Yet, even as a child, a child who could not clearly remember his family or history, Alex was sickened by what he saw, even if he did not understand the "reasons" or the extent to which it was carried out. However, he knew his life somehow hung in the balance, that, above all, he must not give himself away or make any "undue" objections which would bring him into disfavor. Alex was eventually turned over to the care of a Latvian family which owned and operated a chocolate factory, and who eventually, at the end of the war, took the child with them when they escaped to Australia. Due to the scattered remnants of a child's memory, which were mixed with the fabricated memories provided by the soldiers, discovering Alex's true history and origins proved to be a nearly unsolvable enigma. Piece by piece the story unfolds, to the writer and his father, as well as to the reader. A combination of a story of a father and son, a personal history, and a completely absorbing mystery, this book is nothing short of amazing. The complexities are manifold: was the soldier who saved a boy, a Jewish boy no less, from the firing squad of which he was a member, who continued to participate in the horrific actions of a regime which gloried in brutal inhumanity, a damnable human being? The soldier murdered, but he also preserved a life. Did the soldier participate because he believed in the brutality, or did he see it as a means of survival? Could Alex, as he finally learned the full truth of what these men who raised him were, learn to loathe and despise them, as they were the only "family" he had ever really known? Was the Latvian family who cared for him as their own complicit in the murder of millions, even if they did not have an immediate part, because they rubbed elbows with high Nazi officials? Were they inhuman even though they had been careful caretakers of this small, lost child? It is certainly a book that leaves one asking questions. As the search progresses, you find your self almost as obsessed with finding the truth as the writer and his father were. You want Alex to find his "identity" but are as afraid as he of finding something which may horrify, hidden in the past he did not remember. Certainly a very intriguing read.
BOTE-11/27/08 Shepherds, Why This Jubilee?- Jeffrey R. Holland
Okay, this is definitely one of my top 5 favorite books. (Of course my list runs horizontally as well as vertically, so...) But still, if the house was burning down, and I only had time to grab a handful of books to save, this would certainly be one. It is a thin book, not even 100 pages, but the wealth of emotion and understanding to be garnered from it is far beyond its physical length. I have to read it, not only at Christmas, but any time during the year that I am struggling for acceptance of why certain events had to occur, or why I am having to endure a particular trial. Now, I know we all get to the point, when we are going through a particularly difficult time, that we really don't want to hear some comment along the lines of "Well, you know, it is ultimately all for the best..." or "You'll understand everything later..." No, I'm sorry, sometimes I want to understand now. Sometimes, I want to know what my pain is really going to accomplish, why it is so "necessary," because it certainly doesn't seem to be "necessary" at the time. Now, if you are one of those people who never has trouble accepting what is doled out, or cheerfully accepts heartache, well, more power to you, I (and I think most people) am not. Call it what you will, that is just the way of it. So, when I get into that frame of mind, I pull out this book. And I cry...and cry...and cry some more. It doesn't change the situation, but I find that I can more firmly say, "I can do what has been asked of me. I can endure what I have been asked to endure." There is nothing more I can say except I absolutely, postively, completely, wholly, totally adore this book. Because there is nothing I can say to really convey why I love it, or how much, I'll just insert an excerpt. (Plus, it is just fun to say "insert an excerpt...") "As they made their way toward the temple that day, the Holy Spirit was resting upon a beloved elderly man named Simeon, one whom the scriptures describe as "just and devout." It was revealed to this gentle and venerable man that he would not die before seeing the Messiah-"the Lord's Christ," as Luke phrases it. The Spirit then led him to the temple, where he saw a young carpenter and his even younger wife enter the sanctuary with a new-born babe cradled in his mother's arms. Simeon, who had waited all his life for "the consolation of Israel," took that consolation in his arms, praised God, and said: "Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word: for mine eyes have seen thy salvation, which thou hast prepared before the face of all people; A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel. And Joseph and His mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of Him. And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary His mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against; (yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed." (Luke 2:29-35) He [Simeon] was joyously happy. he had lived to see the Son of God be born. He had held the child in his very arms. He could now die the happiest man in all of Jerusalem, maybe in all the world. But his joy was not of the superficial kind. It was not without its testing and trying. No, his joy had something to do with "the fall and rising again of many in Israel," and with this child's life-or at least his death-which would be like a sword piercing throuh his beloved mother's soul. We might well ask, "Was such an ominous warning, such a fateful prophecy, appropriate in this season of joy? Surely such was untimely, even unseemly, at that moment-when the Son of God was so young and tender and safe, and his mother so thrilled with his birth and his beauty?" Our answer is, yes, it was appropriate and important. I submit that unless we see all the meaning and joy of Christmas the way old Simeon saw it all-the whole of Christ's life, the profound mission, the end as well as the beginning-then Christmas will be just another day off work...The true meaning, the unique and lasting and joyous meaning of the birth of this baby, would be in the life he would lead and especially in his death, in his triumphant atoning sacrifice and in his prison-bursting resurrection. It is the life at the other end of the manger scene that gives this moment of nativity in Bethlehem its ultimate meaning. Special as this child was and divine as was his conception, without that day of salvation wherein he would gain an everlasting victory over death and hell on behalf of every man, woman, and child who would ever be born-until that day should come-this baby's life and mission would not be complete. But wise old Simeon understood all of this-that the birth was ultimately for the death-and it thrilled his soul that salvation was come. Thus Christmas was sobering as well as sweet for him, and so too will most Christmases be for us. Lying among those gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh were also a crown of thorns, a makeshift royal robe, and a Roman spear. Yes, for me the most important Christmas visitor of all may have been old Simeon, who, not in the absence of hard days and long years but because of them, would sing with us tonight at the top of his voice, 'Joy to the world, the Lord is come; let earth receive her King!...No more will sin and sorrow grow, nor thorns infest the ground; he'll come and make the blessings flow, far as the curse was found.'"
BOTE-10/25/08 Nicholas and Alexandra-Robert K. Massie
This is one of my all-time-most-favorite books (and that is saying a lot). It is about, *shock,* Nicholas and Alexandra. (I know you were all on the edge of your seats to see what the title foreshadowed.) Better known as Nicholas II and Alexandra Fedorovna, Romanovs, and the last of the Russian autocrats. Robert K. Massie is a wonderful author; he won the Pulitzer for his biography on Peter the Great (which I own, but am trying to get around to reading. I know, I know...what a slacker.) But, despite his winning the Pulitzer, he is not one of these "use-15-syllable-words-to-make-you-feel-like-an-idiot-and-show-how-much-smarter-he-is-than-you" kind of authors; and trust me, I have had to become acquainted with quite a few of these kinds of historians, who apparently have no social skills (and hence no friends), and so, therefore try to make themselves feel important by making your life miserable when you have to write a paper on their work. (Can you tell I'm getting to the "disillusioned" stage of the semester?) "Focus, Kelly, focus..." So, anyway, "Nicholas and Alexandra"-consider yourselves forewarned that this book will make you cry. It isn't like we don't know what happens, events surrounding their deaths are still considered one of history's greatest enigmas; although, in recent years, much more information has come to light, and inquiries have been allowed, which were adamantly refused permission in preceding years. (We all know how those Russians can be.) Reading this book, you come to know the family, how they interacted, the devotion shared among them, the genuinely kind and compassionate people they were. You come to understand how Alexandra could be taken in by someone as blatantly evil as Rasputin. Hemophilia is not a disease of which the effects are always obvious, other than the inability of the body to stop the flow of blood, the child is healthy, wanting to play as any other child, forgetting their body is not equipped to take the tumbles and blows inherent in childhood. Thus, they do forget, and a scraped knee, or a bumped elbow results in excruciating, protracted pain which leaves the child screaming in agony, the parents completely helpless. If you have ever cared for anyone younger than yourself, over whom you felt any level of protectiveness, it is easy to understand how you would resort to nearly anything, or anyone, as long as it eases the child's suffering. This is the personal hell Nicholas and Alexandra were forced to endure. To exacerbate the problem, it was unknown, it could not be acknowledged before the public, that the young heir to the Russian throne was thus afflicted. It was not simply familial pride, but a question of political stability. Russian autocrats were seen as demigods, this was one way in which they had maintained their power for so long. To acknowledge any such physical shortcomings, not to mention a genetic one, would have placed the family's power in jeopardy. Rasputin was often described as having a hypnotic stare, and this could have lent itself to his ability to actually help young Alexis. "Hypnotizing" the boy could have allowed his mind and body to calm down, allowing his body the rest it needed to begin the healing process. It is understandable, then, that Alexandra was willing to ignore the warnings of those around her, whispering to her of Rasputin's filthiness (literal and metaphorical). She was also suffering under the extreme guilt of knowing that her child's affliction came directly from her, as hemophilia is only carried on the x chromosome. (She was a carrier through her grandmother, Queen Victoria.) Add to this the political rumblings that had steadily been growing in intensity since long before Nicholas's ascension to the throne, and you have a country that is inevitably set to fracture along political fault lines. Following the family from the first meeting of the parents, through the births of the children, the daily habits, and personalities of each member, until their imprisonment at Tsarskoe Selo, through their brutal murders in the basement of the Ipatiev House, you become very attached. They were good, kind people, caught in a riptide of events over which they had no control, but which eventually overwhelmed and drowned them. You have to believe, though, that it was better for them all to die with each other than be left to remember what they lost, and how it was taken from them. It is an example of misunderstandings among people; misunderstanding their motives, their intentions, their very natures, what they are silently struggling with. Russian peasants were taught by some to hate the Tsar, although they knew nothing of him, nor of what he would do for them, had he the ability. It is a poignant story, to say the least. I would suggest it be read when it can be read continuously, rather than picked up sporadically. It requires a consistent flow of reading, rather than a page here and a chapter there. Read it, though, and you'll come to love the family, and truly mourn their fate.
BOTE-10/20/08 The Boy in the Striped Pajamas-John Boyne
I finally decided what my first book recommendation would be. It was a tough call to make, as there are so many excellent books that I keep reading in the hopes that one day I will be able to quote the entire thing verbatim, they are that good. I tried to mentally do the "put your hands behind your back and pick a hand" trick, but that doesn't work too well when you're trying it on yourself, somehow you always still know what is in each hand, so it defeats the purpose. Anyway, about the book. It is the most recent read that left an indelible mark. I read it about a month or so ago, but it is one of those novels that you continue to think about long after you have closed the back cover. It is told from the point of view of a nine-year-old German boy. His father is a Nazi, which you find throughout the course of the book, is a bone of contention in the family; the grandfather is proud of his son, the grandmother wonders where she failed her child, for him to become this type of human. The young boy, named Bruno, reveals that the "Fury," as he mistakenly pronounces Fuhrer, has been to dinner, and he did not think much of him at all. He considered him very rude and unimpressive. The "Fury" has "great things in mind," for Bruno's father, but he has no idea that these "great things" culminate in his appointment as head of Auschwitz, or "Out-With," as the child calls it. The family relocates, and the young boy is soon miserable. Lonely and dejected, he searches for ways to entertain himself. On an "exploration," he trudges along beside the barbed wire fence which has been an enigma to him since his arrival. As he searches for the end of the fence, he happens upon a boy in 'striped pajamas,' sitting on the other side. He is overjoyed to finally have a companion, and strikes up a friendship with ''Shmuel," his corruption of the boy's foreign Jewish name of Ishmael. He questions Ishmael about life on his side of the fence. Upon querying how many children were on the other side, and receiving the unsatisfactory answer that there are hundreds, Bruno complains that it is unfair that Ishmael should have so many children to play with, while he, Bruno, has no one. It is this way throughout the novel. As a reader looking at the circumstances from a vantage point of over half a century, we know what is occurring around Bruno, but he is too innocent to recognize and understand, and so he remains naive; yet, his astute sense of justice and kindess are troubled, although he does not understand why. It is not a happy book, per se, but it is certainly worth reading. It does not take long to read, I was able to read it in one evening, but it remains with you. I like those types of books that you dwell on, turn over in your mind, and every time you come back to it, you find that the lighting is different, and you see things in a way you never saw them before, so the same sentence can be turned and turned, carrying different imports each time.
"Book of the Entry"
I thought it would be fun to start a small list of books I have read/am reading, which I think worth suggesting. This always happens to me: Someone says something along the lines of, "What is a good book you would suggest?" or, "What do you like to read?" I instantly draw a blank (I didn't think it was possible for someone to become an idiot so fast without a massive blow to the head, but it happens every time), and I stand there with that "deer-in-the-headlights" look. I have started telling people who ask this at work that I am actually illiterate; the only reason they hired me was because I used to be a greeter at Wal-Mart, so I have the people skills required (I'm not, I wasn't, and I don't, but I suppose if you're going to hell for lying, you might as well do it in style). I couldn't call it "Book of the Week" or "Book of the Month," because who knows when I'll post each entry, and above all, we must be truthful; after all, it is wrong to lie. Ergo, it must be "Book of the Entry." I'll try to write a short description of each, to give a little more detail to flesh out the suggestion. I'll post the first one next time. (Great, now I'm a liar and a procrastinator.)
It is a bit superfluous to write an "About Me" section for a pseudo-journal, I suppose. Driver's license description: 5'2", brunette (sometimes 'blonde', though), blue-eyed, typical Irish type.